Frazzled!

I live in two different worlds, one of which is about to crumble away right before my eyes in a matter of weeks. Today I came to the conclusion that I am not ready for that yet...actually I don't think I will ever be ready for that. As much as I miss my family and friends, I have ZERO desire to come home...ever. I want to live in Bolivia, I feel like I belong here and that things actually click here. Back home I do what im expected to do and to a certain degree what I too want to do, but the only difference is that what I do here is what I have chosen to do all on my own. I made a life for myself without my parents without my friends and without knowing the language or a single person in this country. Despite all the obstacles and challenges that have come my way, I have gotten through it and found a place where I actually feel at home and where I belong.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family, the Okanagan and Canada but the life that I live there is now the life that I reluctantly have to go back to, it is never going to be the same as it was before I  had this experience. The worst part I think is that I am not going to want to be back home and that is going to make it all the more difficult for me to suck it up and stay there until I finish University. Bolivia is the place that I call home now, I love everything about it even the bad parts. I have an exchange family and my host family and best friends that I will have to leave and that is going to break my heart.

I know that as soon as some of my best friends leave, the Bolivia that I know will be different and maybe my opinions will change, but for the mean time there is this little hole in my heart forming at the mere thought of having to go home.